I know it’s been a while….but it just happened that I talked to a friend of mine and we talked about our problems and how we deal with them and stuff….and then I just realised that I haven’t blogged in like…forever…although it has always helped me to…kinda survive everydays life ^^

it’s like a friend….you love him….but he’s always there so you don’t really appreciate his presence anymore….until he’s gone…and then you know and you realise what he meant to you…and then it’s hard to get him back….but with blogging it’s a little easier…I just got on the PC and now here I am again!! ^^

anyway…there’s a lot stuff going on in my mind right now and I don’t really know where to start…I’m thinking…..but I really don’t know ^^

but that describes the situation around me almost…perfect ^^ too much stuff going on and I don’t know what to think about anything….I just feel like a small tiny part in this world and everything’s just spinning around and I’m to dumb to understand the world….although I’m not even talking about the whole world….just about my little world….and to me it’s spinning a little to fast right now and I can’t stop it…

so for now I’m just gonna try to get at least my thoughts organised….but I’m soo freakin tired that not even that is gonna work ^^ so I’ll go to bed now and talk to you guys maybe tomorrow ^^

~  July  ~

love you guys

well, I know it has been a while since I*ve blogged the last time….and I know my English is getting even worse every day…but I*ll try to blog anyway ^^

so ya…I found a job….that really makes me happy cause it feels like I can help people and they are really thankful that I*m there…that feels just good and it feels like I*ve an impact on this world…it might be a little one…but I*m happy

…then…I*ve been to Greece, met some friends….and it was just awesome to be there without internet and (almost) without my cellphone….I read a lot and I was just thinking all the time about stuff that I don*t have time to think of usually so I decided to come back next summer to Alabama

other than that…I just thought about stuff…I don*t even write down all of it…but I*m feeling better…sooo much better!!

I see this blog is not gonna make any sense…so I*ll go and get something to eat

love ya*ll

Friday I thought…well that*s not gonna be a good weekend…just because I had to go to school on Saturday to take an exam….that*s so mean…on Saturday at 9 a.m…..I wanted to sleep in!!! aaah ^^

but anyway….I*ve had a barbecue on Friday and I went out with a friend of mine…later I went to a bar with some other friends and then someone reminded me that I gotta study for my exam on Saturday…so I went home at like 10 p.m. and started to study haha ^^

on Saturday I was at school, took my exam and it was going…okay ^^…after that we were just chilling a little and then I went kayaking it was awesome to see one of my best friends again and the weather was so great and everything was just perfectly fine ^^

after that I went shopping with some friends…but that was kinda boring until we met my best friend and another friend haha ^^ later we went partying and we watched soccer the first game of the european championship!! it was great and we*ve had a lot of fun ^^ and I had the key to this room….so it happend that I had to clean it up today in the morning…all by myself…well ya…I*ve great friends…who don*t even call me when they go swimming….

but last night was great anyways!!! ^^

well…you know these ppl who can*t decide if they want something or not?? maan, that gets so on my nervs…cause I gotta plan some things….and when I always hear *well ya….maybe* it just GETS ON MY NERVS!!! aaah ^^ don*t know why I have to do all that shit….I don*t want it anymore….but I don*t wanna sit at home….so I just gotta do it or it*ll never happen…that*s a freakin circle I can*t get out ^^

anyway….all in all I*ve had an exhausting but amazingly GREAT weekend so far!! ^^ and today…..germany is playing!!! maaan, it*s gonna be awesome!! Hope we*ll win!! ^^

SO KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED FOR GERMANY!!!!! ^^

love,

                            ~Julia~

well…it might not be of interest for you guys…BUT…the European Soccer Championship is about to start (it*s just a couple of days left!!) and everybody gets excited again!!! It*s not that excitement that used to be here two years ago when we had the World Soccer Championship in Germany….but yet there*s a little tension in the air….nobody speaks it out loud…but everybody that is a little interested in soccer is pretty excited and I*m as well

it*s not gonna be as great as the World Championship…that was a real miracle….nobody expected it to be that great but it was AWESOME!!! you could see little German flags like everywhere and that was the first time everybody was standing by our country since the National Socialism and everything ended….it was just like a new beginning…nobody had to be ashamed of our flag!! don*t know if you can understand this feeling…it was just unique…

now everybody tries to do the same…but it*s never gonna be the same again!! it was like an awakening…and I*m so glad that I was able to experience that!! and I love to think back to this time…everybody was partying like all the time!! ^^

but some things are never gonna come back…and you shouldn*t expect too much….cause you can*t repeat it…but I*m still looking forward to it….we are not gonna be that good again…but…the best is gonna be the winner….well, most of the time haha

anyway….I*m just excited and I wanted to let you guys know…that somethings are never gonna be that great again…you shouldn*t try to get your past back just because it was awesome….you should think about it…learn from it….live in the presence but look into the future!!

love you!!

                       ~Julia~

my blog stats are not on 0 again but I still felt like posting a new post haha ….ya, I know I*m just too good xD ^^

but just yesterday I found out that jeallousy doesn*t need to be there….you don*t need to be jeallous at your bf/gf or best friend….cause if there is really something you need to worry about then you loose him or her anyway….it might be a little earlier or a little later…

and jeallousy can destroy a relationship….one of my best friends is completely jeallous and that almost destroyed his relationship that lasted over 1 1/2 years….I mean…she didn*t cheat on him…and she would never do so…cause she loves him….and he*s just freakin jeallous….and so she thinks he doesn*t trust her…and in a way he doesn*t….

but he can*t just put her in her room and close the door so just he can see her….that*s completely sick….don*t know if I should post this blog….it*s more a personal experience…but it might help…but I don*t know if there*s any help to jeallousy….I dunno ^^

anyway…I*m gonna go now cause actually I gotta work :p just thought I am supposed to share this with you guys

love,

                ~Julia~ ^^

I just noticed that I didn*t post in a very veeery long time…at times I was sick and couldn*t even look up my e-mails (what only happens when I really almost can*t move ) and at times I just didn*t feel like blogging and had trouble with other stuff

But I just felt like I let you guys down because of stuff that bothered me…and that*s not fair!! ^^ I don*t even know who I*m talking to…but all the guys that sometimes read my stuff

so anyway…it just happened that the weather over here is gorgeous ^^ actually pretty warm for this time of the year…and so I*m in a good mood right now school is going alright, too and I*m gonna be a Senior next year…I*m pretty sure about that I just gotta take two more exams and I guess there are two more presentations then I*m done!! ^^

well…nothing much happened over here…because I was in bed for most of the time….i didn*t see what was going on around me ^^ but the last weekend was great!! ^^

there was a party at a friends house and we had soooo much fun….there were some *new friends* in our group and there was kinda going a bit of fresh air going through everything ….don*t know if you understand…but anyway

I*m gonna go now…love you guys and I*m gonna post more often again

Love,

                                   ~Julia~

actually it was a pretty good day….I got the result of one of my exams and it was amazingly good so I guess after this exam I*ll pass everything and I*ll be a Senior next year xD ^^ then we decided to go on a trip to Usedom…that*s kinda like a church trip but two of my very good friends are coming with me …that*s awesome and I*m really looking forward to it…

but on the other hand…I*m not very motivated to do something…I*m a leader of a group at my school…and actually we had to do something today with our girls…so that they don*t get bored…but we couldn*t find a basketball….so we tried to explain some Math to them…but somehow I did pretty bad on explaining the things to them xD ^^

I guess all that stuff isn*t that depressing …it*s just like *shit happens*….but it*s just the situation…I guess the most depressing thing for me right now is….that I wanna have a job…I wanna earn money all by myself…BUT I can*t find a job!! It*s not as easy as over there cause we don*t have that many fast food restaurants and stuff….and besides for most of the jobs you have to be 18…but I*m just 17 … and I wanna job…NOW!!! I wrote e-mails to like 10 people who could give me a job…but some didn*t answer, some said they don*t need someone anymore…some told me that they would call if they have some work…and some jobs I just don*t wanna do…

I guess that represents the situation in Berlin….everywhere is something to do…and there are people out there willing to work…but there are so many restictions that it*s not that easy to find a job….and the politics just talk about the high unemployement…not just for students…cause that*s not that common over here that students want to work…but in general…they train someone and then they can*t give you a job…that*s just not fair….cause there ARE people out there who ARE WILLING to work…

guess that*s just not fair and right now pretty depressing…

anyway…now I*m feeling a little better cause I wrote it down…now I gotta do something for my church and I*ll be okay haha cause then I did everything I have to do for today

love you guys….

                                     ~ Julia ~

imagine….you have the chance to start all over again…make new friends…learn from the mistakes you did before and make it better…enjoy yourself…just BE yourself…not everybody gets this chance…I*ve had it…and it was an awesome experience….I didn*t lie at all…the (almost) six months I*ve been over there…I just didn*t lie…I was just able to be myself…make new friends that didn*t know me…create my life as I want it to…without my parents and without anyone to talk into my stuff…

and I had this chance….and now I*m wondering if I did the best with it…I tried my best…and most of the time I*m pretty satisfied…but then…I had to go home….but…I was wondering WHERE is my home?? over here…or over there?? I didn*t have the chance to choose…it might have been better…cause where would I go??….

this question just hurts a lot…cause my friends and family are over here…and when I just think, well I wanna go back…it feels like I*m cheating on my friends…and they are disappointed…cause they try their best…and we are having fun and everything…I guess…I just had to many chances…if I wasn*t able to go over there…I would never think like that….but is that what a person is all about?? the things they think…their life…everything they*ve experienced??

everytime I see pictures of my friends over there…it hurts…it fucking hurts….I just wanna go over there and hug them…like 20 minutes and I would be happy again….but I*m afraid to go back…I*m afraid that nothing will be like it used to be…but I wanna see my friends….I miss you guys a lot…I fuckin love you guys!!!

and while I*m writing that…I can practically feel that I hurt my friends over here that are gonna read this…but I love you guys too….it*s just…I dunno….everytime I*m around you…everythings alright…I*m having fun…and then at home…everything kinda falls apart…don*t know how to desribe it…you just have to experience something like that to understand me…

did you ever feel like you are disrupted, seperated and freakin confused??

well…actually I*m wondering if all that is worth talking about…my friends here…you guys can be sure…at least for the next 2 years…I*ll stay over here….and we*ll have a lot of fun…but I have another home…over there….and I wanna go back at some point…but is it even possible to feel at home in two places?? I don*t know…well I feel like I don*t know anything…

love,

                             ~*Julia*~

I asked myself a few questions…and I found out that love and hate are pretty close related to each other…well first…what is love, what is hate?? can you define it?? I guess it means something different to every single person…and besides…it happens to often that someone just says, well I love/hate you…but do they actually mean it?? just in a few cases I guess….that*s another question…can love/hate go by…after a while?? I guess true love/hate can*t…but I dunno…I*m pretty young…I don*t think I*ve experienced it…but a few times I was very close….well actually at this time I felt like it was true love/hate…but I guess love/hate can grow…well…it actually grows from experience to experience…

so I guess life*s all about experiences (this sentence appears again and again…and it*s not even mine thanks for everything!!)…so…you can*t define love/hate….you can*t say you*ve never loved someone…the person might have loved/hated someone…from his/her point of view…that*s another aspect of not juding other people…

guess that*s all I had to say for today…well maybe just for now

                   ~*Julia*~